How to Write a Eulogy: A Gentle Guide for Families

Writing a eulogy for someone you love can feel overwhelming, especially when grief is so raw. But a eulogy doesn't need to be perfect — it needs to be honest. I often tell families: write it as though you're telling a friend about this person over a cup of tea. Start with a story. The formality will follow.

Start With a Memory

The most powerful eulogies don't begin with dates of birth and death — they begin with a moment. A memory. Something that instantly brings the person to life in the minds of those listening. It might be something funny, something tender, or something that perfectly captures who they were. Trust your instincts. If it makes you smile or brings tears to your eyes, it will do the same for others.

Think About Who They Were, Not Just What They Did

It can be tempting to list achievements — careers, qualifications, roles. And these things matter. But the people in the room already knew your loved one. What they need is to feel them. Think about their character: their warmth, their stubbornness, their generosity, their laugh. Think about the small, everyday things — the habits, the phrases, the ways they showed love.

Keep It to Around Three to Five Minutes

A spoken eulogy of around three to five minutes — roughly 500 to 700 words — is the right length for most services. Long enough to do justice to a life, short enough to hold the room. If you find yourself with pages and pages, that's fine — you can always share more in a printed order of service, or at a gathering afterwards.

It's Okay to Feel Emotional

Many people worry they won't be able to get through it. Grief has a way of arriving when we least expect it. If you feel tears coming, pause, breathe, and take your time. The room will wait for you. There is no shame in emotion — it simply shows how much you loved them.

If you feel you genuinely cannot deliver the eulogy yourself, I can read it on your behalf. Many families choose this option, and it is equally beautiful. You wrote the words — that is what matters.

Let Me Help

As your celebrant, I am always here to support with the eulogy. Whether that means helping you shape your thoughts, reviewing a draft, or writing something together during our meetings — please never feel alone in this. It is one of the most important things we'll do together, and I take it very seriously.